Well what to jot down. Just random thoughts I guess.
Having Tanisha here has been causing me a lot of stress. Not for the reasons one might think. She needs things that I cannot afford to provide for her at this time. The courts have severely handicapped me. My ex does not have to pay what the court ordered her to pay. I have custody of Tanisha and am still paying the ex $1408.31 in child support until September. I could use that money to buy my child school clothes and supplies, but her mother gets it. During the summer made me provide for all of the transportation of the children, again the mother had to do nothing but sit on her ass. Yes, I am very frustrated with how some of the things worked out. If I had done the things she had done, I have no doubt that I would be sitting in jail, but she gets break after break. Oh well. I have explained to Tanisha the situation. I wish I could have went into details with her, but I just told her I need an adjustment period. She was very understanding.
On the lighter side. Tanisha's friend Adina left last night. They have been together everyday for some 15 or 16 days. Day and night. Last night was my first night alone with Tanisha. We joked and watched a movie on netflix. I must confess, the movie watched me. I do not know if Tanisha made it through the whole movie. Love having my baby at home! She picked on me horribly :)! She is a smart girl with a lot of insight, sees right through me. One great kid!
I cannot get this out of my head. A strong sense of foreboding. Tanisha has told me that she wanted to spend one year with me and one year with her mom. So the Judge gave me temporary custody for this year. I am assuming that Tanisha told him the same thing. So what is my sense of dread? The very first opportunity we go back to court, following this year. He will give custody back to her mother and make it final custody orders. In order to make another change, I will have to take her back to court again. More money out of my pocket, which I can ill afford. My ex has proven ( I do not understand why they do not see it) court orders mean nothing to her. The courts have not tried to enforce anything against her. So many violations, so many lies. Can it be true what the people tell me? “In court you will learn that the woman does not have to prove anything, she only has to make accusations. You on the other hand must prove everything. Once you do, you will still lose.” No matter, I will still keep fighting for the good of my children.
