Saturday, July 30, 2011
In the DUMPS
Seems my new relationship is in the dumps. Married her Oct.22, 2010 and she left in June 2011. Nothing I could do about it really. I was given options I could not accept. She is gone. The kids are gone. All because a 13 year old girl wanted to leave. What could I do...NOTHING. There was no correct answer for me. Bad situation all the way around.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Status update
It has been awhile since I wrote anything here. Not sure in what order to update things. Guess I will just go with what comes to mind.
My girlfriend and I are going to make it official. We are getting married in a couple of weeks. I, for one, am pretty excited about it. I am also happy to report that the kids are also, mine and hers. She has three children, a girl and two boys. The girl is Tanisha’s best friend. Those two were what brought us together. No, they did not pair us up, but always having to run into each other to exchange children. This constant interaction brought us together. During my visits to El Paso, I usually had the both of them. Then it sort of graduated to friendship. Then I offered to care for her kids while she went to work. What the heck, I am here to attend court proceedings and in my free time I would rather be with the kids than doing nothing. This would also save her on child care. Well, she has great kids and that she had done this alone was very impressive to me. Very well-behaved children, shows that mom dedicated a lot of time to them, even with her day stretched so thin. Actually I have spent a greater time with the kids than with her. The opposite is also true. Most of the time when we were together the kids were with us. Most of our “DATES” were with the children. She did not mind this, which greatly relieved me. I live so far away that the little time I have in El Paso I wished to spend with my children. So there was no “competition” between not seeing her enough and not seeing my children enough. She aided me in seeing my kids as often as I could. God thank her for that. I guess it did not hurt that Tanisha and Kimberly (her daughter) were best friends. Kimberly was at the Court House when I had to take Monica and Tanisha to interview with the Judge. Anyway, that left Alex alone with two girls. Which was fine for me, because Alex and I got to do boy things. We would go shopping as a group, the girls in one direction and Alex and I in another. Everyone happy. Alex and I got to look at video games and tools, the girls got to clothes shop in peace. The best of both worlds.
Did have an incident with Kimberly, incident might be a little to strong of a word. She had went to spend the intersession with her father and his parents. She called her mother with some concerns, her mother promptly told me. I asked if it was okay if I called and talked to her. So I did. She voiced her concerns (kind of hard to drag it out of her, she is a very reserved child). Many of them were legitimate concerns. “Will I get to see my Dad if we move so far away? What if you and Mom cannot get along, I do not want to move all over again?” The rest of the questions fail me now, but we spoke for about a half an hour. I think I put her fears to rest. I did not sugar coat anything, just the truth. Her Mom told me that after we spoke her whole attitude changed and she had no more doubts. She wanted to know what I said to her. Just the simple truth. Children need to know that you respect their opinions and ideas. I think she could feel that I did in fact respect her fears. She is a great kid and I am lucky to have her.
Her brother, Alex, on the other hand cannot wait to get here. No amount of talking from anyone has deterred him. He said he has told them he wishes he was here already. When he was here during the summer, we had a great time fishing. He came to work with me each day that I worked. He enjoyed “hanging out” with me. Great job that I can bring my kids to work with me. We got a lot of male bonding time. I think he was a little disappointed when the girls came with us one night. We talked about it and he was okay. That little guy and I did a lot together. He is always out-numbered by females, so I think a little male attention was what he was looking for. On the other side of the coin, I too enjoyed doing “boy” things, being the father of two girls. Tanisha never says no to the boy things, but she is also wanting to do the girl things. So I only get half of the time.
Tanisha is ready for them to get here. She has been planning how to re-arrange everything so they are all comfortable. Thoughtful kid.
This has been a busy time with Tanisha here now. Having a child in the house, one realizes their short-comings very quickly. Even if the child is capable of doing a lot of things on her own, a lot has to be done for them. I knew it was a lot, but I never paid attention to how much. Has been a learning experience for me too. Even though it is a lot, I would do it if it were ten times as much. My days are brighter with her. I am learning things I did not think I was very capable of. Mainly cooking. I have actually surprised myself. When I was alone, I ate to survive. Now I try to do with flavor and well-rounded meals. Have had some dismal failures (HAHA), had to go out to eat those days, but I am getting better.
Tanisha said, “Dad, when Hilda comes can she cook the dinners and you cook the breakfast?”
To which I responded, “I thought I was doing really well with the dinners. I thought you liked them?”
Tanisha: “Yes Dad they are good, most of them anyway, but you are really good with breakfast foods and she is really good with dinners.”
I must say she was gentle with my feelings (HAHA). I related this story to Hilda and she was quite pleased. She hates making breakfast. Fine, because I am not so fond of dinners either. Do not mind getting the kids ready for school and making them breakfast. That is one thing I must pat myself on the back for. Since Tanisha has come to live with me, she has not gone to school without a hot breakfast at home. I thought it might be some trouble with my schedule (rotating shifts), but it worked out just fine. When I work nights, Angela stays with her. Angela is a 16 year old girl who was Monica’s best friend here. Her parents keep regular tabs on the both of them when I work nights. I think Angela likes to come as much as Tanisha like to have her there. Anyway as I was saying. When I work nights, I arrive home at about 6:30 in the morning. The girls are up and getting ready for school. I come in and fix them breakfast and take them to school. When I work days, I get up early and fix her breakfast while she showers. She gets on the bus and I go to work. It has actually been quite good. Since I work 12 hour days, I thought I might have to neglect her a bit, but that has not been the case. Has actually been a plus. It has afforded me much more free time. I get the 40 hours in a couple of days and the rest of the time free. So, it has been good. It had been work a week and off for two weeks. So a lot of time with her.
Well, I contacted my ex concerning Tanisha’s eyeglass prescription. I cannot get one until January 2011. She got the current one in El Paso in January of this year. I asked her to provide it to me so I can get Tanisha new contacts. Long story short, she declined. So I will have to take care of it in a couple of weeks when I go to El Paso.
Cannot think of anything else of note to add right now.
My girlfriend and I are going to make it official. We are getting married in a couple of weeks. I, for one, am pretty excited about it. I am also happy to report that the kids are also, mine and hers. She has three children, a girl and two boys. The girl is Tanisha’s best friend. Those two were what brought us together. No, they did not pair us up, but always having to run into each other to exchange children. This constant interaction brought us together. During my visits to El Paso, I usually had the both of them. Then it sort of graduated to friendship. Then I offered to care for her kids while she went to work. What the heck, I am here to attend court proceedings and in my free time I would rather be with the kids than doing nothing. This would also save her on child care. Well, she has great kids and that she had done this alone was very impressive to me. Very well-behaved children, shows that mom dedicated a lot of time to them, even with her day stretched so thin. Actually I have spent a greater time with the kids than with her. The opposite is also true. Most of the time when we were together the kids were with us. Most of our “DATES” were with the children. She did not mind this, which greatly relieved me. I live so far away that the little time I have in El Paso I wished to spend with my children. So there was no “competition” between not seeing her enough and not seeing my children enough. She aided me in seeing my kids as often as I could. God thank her for that. I guess it did not hurt that Tanisha and Kimberly (her daughter) were best friends. Kimberly was at the Court House when I had to take Monica and Tanisha to interview with the Judge. Anyway, that left Alex alone with two girls. Which was fine for me, because Alex and I got to do boy things. We would go shopping as a group, the girls in one direction and Alex and I in another. Everyone happy. Alex and I got to look at video games and tools, the girls got to clothes shop in peace. The best of both worlds.
Did have an incident with Kimberly, incident might be a little to strong of a word. She had went to spend the intersession with her father and his parents. She called her mother with some concerns, her mother promptly told me. I asked if it was okay if I called and talked to her. So I did. She voiced her concerns (kind of hard to drag it out of her, she is a very reserved child). Many of them were legitimate concerns. “Will I get to see my Dad if we move so far away? What if you and Mom cannot get along, I do not want to move all over again?” The rest of the questions fail me now, but we spoke for about a half an hour. I think I put her fears to rest. I did not sugar coat anything, just the truth. Her Mom told me that after we spoke her whole attitude changed and she had no more doubts. She wanted to know what I said to her. Just the simple truth. Children need to know that you respect their opinions and ideas. I think she could feel that I did in fact respect her fears. She is a great kid and I am lucky to have her.
Her brother, Alex, on the other hand cannot wait to get here. No amount of talking from anyone has deterred him. He said he has told them he wishes he was here already. When he was here during the summer, we had a great time fishing. He came to work with me each day that I worked. He enjoyed “hanging out” with me. Great job that I can bring my kids to work with me. We got a lot of male bonding time. I think he was a little disappointed when the girls came with us one night. We talked about it and he was okay. That little guy and I did a lot together. He is always out-numbered by females, so I think a little male attention was what he was looking for. On the other side of the coin, I too enjoyed doing “boy” things, being the father of two girls. Tanisha never says no to the boy things, but she is also wanting to do the girl things. So I only get half of the time.
Tanisha is ready for them to get here. She has been planning how to re-arrange everything so they are all comfortable. Thoughtful kid.
This has been a busy time with Tanisha here now. Having a child in the house, one realizes their short-comings very quickly. Even if the child is capable of doing a lot of things on her own, a lot has to be done for them. I knew it was a lot, but I never paid attention to how much. Has been a learning experience for me too. Even though it is a lot, I would do it if it were ten times as much. My days are brighter with her. I am learning things I did not think I was very capable of. Mainly cooking. I have actually surprised myself. When I was alone, I ate to survive. Now I try to do with flavor and well-rounded meals. Have had some dismal failures (HAHA), had to go out to eat those days, but I am getting better.
Tanisha said, “Dad, when Hilda comes can she cook the dinners and you cook the breakfast?”
To which I responded, “I thought I was doing really well with the dinners. I thought you liked them?”
Tanisha: “Yes Dad they are good, most of them anyway, but you are really good with breakfast foods and she is really good with dinners.”
I must say she was gentle with my feelings (HAHA). I related this story to Hilda and she was quite pleased. She hates making breakfast. Fine, because I am not so fond of dinners either. Do not mind getting the kids ready for school and making them breakfast. That is one thing I must pat myself on the back for. Since Tanisha has come to live with me, she has not gone to school without a hot breakfast at home. I thought it might be some trouble with my schedule (rotating shifts), but it worked out just fine. When I work nights, Angela stays with her. Angela is a 16 year old girl who was Monica’s best friend here. Her parents keep regular tabs on the both of them when I work nights. I think Angela likes to come as much as Tanisha like to have her there. Anyway as I was saying. When I work nights, I arrive home at about 6:30 in the morning. The girls are up and getting ready for school. I come in and fix them breakfast and take them to school. When I work days, I get up early and fix her breakfast while she showers. She gets on the bus and I go to work. It has actually been quite good. Since I work 12 hour days, I thought I might have to neglect her a bit, but that has not been the case. Has actually been a plus. It has afforded me much more free time. I get the 40 hours in a couple of days and the rest of the time free. So, it has been good. It had been work a week and off for two weeks. So a lot of time with her.
Well, I contacted my ex concerning Tanisha’s eyeglass prescription. I cannot get one until January 2011. She got the current one in El Paso in January of this year. I asked her to provide it to me so I can get Tanisha new contacts. Long story short, she declined. So I will have to take care of it in a couple of weeks when I go to El Paso.
Cannot think of anything else of note to add right now.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Ending of summer 2010
Well what to jot down. Just random thoughts I guess.
Having Tanisha here has been causing me a lot of stress. Not for the reasons one might think. She needs things that I cannot afford to provide for her at this time. The courts have severely handicapped me. My ex does not have to pay what the court ordered her to pay. I have custody of Tanisha and am still paying the ex $1408.31 in child support until September. I could use that money to buy my child school clothes and supplies, but her mother gets it. During the summer made me provide for all of the transportation of the children, again the mother had to do nothing but sit on her ass. Yes, I am very frustrated with how some of the things worked out. If I had done the things she had done, I have no doubt that I would be sitting in jail, but she gets break after break. Oh well. I have explained to Tanisha the situation. I wish I could have went into details with her, but I just told her I need an adjustment period. She was very understanding.
On the lighter side. Tanisha's friend Adina left last night. They have been together everyday for some 15 or 16 days. Day and night. Last night was my first night alone with Tanisha. We joked and watched a movie on netflix. I must confess, the movie watched me. I do not know if Tanisha made it through the whole movie. Love having my baby at home! She picked on me horribly :)! She is a smart girl with a lot of insight, sees right through me. One great kid!
I cannot get this out of my head. A strong sense of foreboding. Tanisha has told me that she wanted to spend one year with me and one year with her mom. So the Judge gave me temporary custody for this year. I am assuming that Tanisha told him the same thing. So what is my sense of dread? The very first opportunity we go back to court, following this year. He will give custody back to her mother and make it final custody orders. In order to make another change, I will have to take her back to court again. More money out of my pocket, which I can ill afford. My ex has proven ( I do not understand why they do not see it) court orders mean nothing to her. The courts have not tried to enforce anything against her. So many violations, so many lies. Can it be true what the people tell me? “In court you will learn that the woman does not have to prove anything, she only has to make accusations. You on the other hand must prove everything. Once you do, you will still lose.” No matter, I will still keep fighting for the good of my children.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Talk with Nisha
Had a short chat with Tanisha last night. Asked her if she had talked to her mother. She said yes she did.
“Did you call her or did she call you?”, I asked.
“She called me.” She responded.
Then I asked her to do me a favor. To please call her mother often. At least once a day, just to say “HI”, even if you have nothing to talk about. I told her that I missed her and her sister so much and you they never called me. Please do not do that to your mother while you are with me. She said she would try.
“Did you call her or did she call you?”, I asked.
“She called me.” She responded.
Then I asked her to do me a favor. To please call her mother often. At least once a day, just to say “HI”, even if you have nothing to talk about. I told her that I missed her and her sister so much and you they never called me. Please do not do that to your mother while you are with me. She said she would try.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
New Direction
I will try to log in here once a week. Logging the happenings with my youngest daughter. I have won temporary custody of her for one year.
Let see now, where to start.
The Judge changed the visitation some. At first I hoped that he would make her (the EX) help a bit. She has not help any since the divorce, in any manner. She has tried to keep me out of the girls life. It has been one long fight. When I explained this to my girlfriend, that I wished the Judge would make her help. She stated quite well, “You have been doing it since the divorce, so things are just the same. You do have custody of Tanisha.” Truth in her statement. Take the positive and run with it.
Summer visitation with both girls went quite well. Monica seemed a little tense at first. Tried to make things a bit challenging. I just overlooked it, even though deep down I wanted to address the situation. She settled in and things got much better. Just when we were getting to the point where I could enjoy her, I had to return her to her mother.
Tanisha is home now. Brought her back with my girlfriend and her kids. The good news is her children really like it here. I think they will like to move here next year. That is when we are speaking of getting married. Gladly, and much to my relief, my girlfriend likes it here also. I was a bit fearful that she would not like it.
Kimberly (my girlfriends daughter, and Tanisha’s best friend) and Tanisha were discussing plans for when we all live together. Her and Tanisha will have to share a room. I guess they made plans on how they want it. So the both of them are very happy with the situation. This is quite good and a relief to the both of us adults. The mental health and welfare of our kids is very important to the both of us.
Alex (her nine year old son) made this statement, “I am ready to live here, but can I spend the summers with my Dad?” Of course! We are 14 to 16 hour drive from El Paso, so visitation on that part would be a bit tough. The good news though is their father is likely going to get a job in San Antonio. That is only 5 to 6 hours away. Got to take him fishing. He caught a catfish about half his size! Was the biggest fish I ever helped land also. It was so big it frightened him! Had to stop him from running away!
School for Tanisha starts the 23rd of August. She is happy about that. Considering in El Paso they start on Monday. We plan some clothes shopping the week before school. She is excited about starting. Adina (her best friend here) is very happy they are going to be together again. She spends every minute she can at the house.
The house has been more like a home than ever. All the kids running around. Has been absolutely great. Wanted to spend more time at the lake, but the weather did not cooperate. Been raining way too much. One good thing, got to show the kids an alligator in the river. Kids are so hard to impress! They were not as excited to see it as I was. KIDS!
Had a bonfire for the kids. They made smores. They really enjoyed that.
Let see now, where to start.
The Judge changed the visitation some. At first I hoped that he would make her (the EX) help a bit. She has not help any since the divorce, in any manner. She has tried to keep me out of the girls life. It has been one long fight. When I explained this to my girlfriend, that I wished the Judge would make her help. She stated quite well, “You have been doing it since the divorce, so things are just the same. You do have custody of Tanisha.” Truth in her statement. Take the positive and run with it.
Summer visitation with both girls went quite well. Monica seemed a little tense at first. Tried to make things a bit challenging. I just overlooked it, even though deep down I wanted to address the situation. She settled in and things got much better. Just when we were getting to the point where I could enjoy her, I had to return her to her mother.
Tanisha is home now. Brought her back with my girlfriend and her kids. The good news is her children really like it here. I think they will like to move here next year. That is when we are speaking of getting married. Gladly, and much to my relief, my girlfriend likes it here also. I was a bit fearful that she would not like it.
Kimberly (my girlfriends daughter, and Tanisha’s best friend) and Tanisha were discussing plans for when we all live together. Her and Tanisha will have to share a room. I guess they made plans on how they want it. So the both of them are very happy with the situation. This is quite good and a relief to the both of us adults. The mental health and welfare of our kids is very important to the both of us.
Alex (her nine year old son) made this statement, “I am ready to live here, but can I spend the summers with my Dad?” Of course! We are 14 to 16 hour drive from El Paso, so visitation on that part would be a bit tough. The good news though is their father is likely going to get a job in San Antonio. That is only 5 to 6 hours away. Got to take him fishing. He caught a catfish about half his size! Was the biggest fish I ever helped land also. It was so big it frightened him! Had to stop him from running away!
School for Tanisha starts the 23rd of August. She is happy about that. Considering in El Paso they start on Monday. We plan some clothes shopping the week before school. She is excited about starting. Adina (her best friend here) is very happy they are going to be together again. She spends every minute she can at the house.
The house has been more like a home than ever. All the kids running around. Has been absolutely great. Wanted to spend more time at the lake, but the weather did not cooperate. Been raining way too much. One good thing, got to show the kids an alligator in the river. Kids are so hard to impress! They were not as excited to see it as I was. KIDS!
Had a bonfire for the kids. They made smores. They really enjoyed that.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Flashbacks
Sometimes, I think about her and the only thing that comes to mind is F***ING B*TCH! She keeps trying to say we are still married. Can you believe it! I can't believe she wants to return with me nor do I believe it. Even though some closest to me say it is so. I do not want her back, not this time. For me it is over. All of the lies and manipulation, I do not need that sort of woman in my life anymore. She is gone and good riddance.
My oldest told me she got another job...good for her! Now she will have to work. I did wish you bad thing, but now I just do not care.
My oldest told me she got another job...good for her! Now she will have to work. I did wish you bad thing, but now I just do not care.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Fairness to Fathers?
Another day has passed without my girls. My ability to contact them is being hampered by their mother. I call and call their cell phones, and they do not answer. I text them and text them, they do not respond. I have never had a problem with then taking my calls.
While at work last night, I received a call from their mother. It seems she wants more money. Imagine that. When I said no, she got angry. It seems she is not happy with the amount that the court awarded her. I will not say how much I pay her. I will give a math problem. If she were to work a regular job, her pay would be $ 12.55 per hour (remember, she does not have to pay any taxes on that money). Pretty good pay for only sending the girls to school and waiting for them to come home again. I understand that taking care of children is a full time job. I am willing to do it for nothing!
Well, after that dispute, the children do not answer phones.
So, I sent them a text message.
Hey girls what is going on? I have been calling and texting for hours and no response. If you are not using the phones I will have them turned off.
Yep, I got a call in 5 minutes. I had to explain that I got the phones so that I may communicate with them. If I cannot talk to them, then the phones are not needed. If we are angry, then what? That is why we got the phones to work things out. You are my girls and I want/need to keep in constant communication with you two. At least one call per day. Does not matter if it is a 2 minute call. I just want that 2 minutes.
After that, the talking was carefree and upbeat with the both of them. In all it turned out real nice. It was frustrating for awhile.
So, my question? What is their mother doing/telling them and how to I deal with it? I really do not know. She has them a thousand miles away from me, and can influence them. How long will it take for their eyes to open up? How long will it take to understand what their mother has done? I have spoken to other divorced men. They say it could be years, just stay strong. Okay, what about their youth that I am missing.
It does my heart good that they are adjusting to their school and making friends. On the other side of the coin. My own selfishness, wishes they would hate it. I have to put that aside. Their adjustment is far more important than mine. I never really doubted that though, they are quite lovely ladies. Bragging about my girls is not a bad thing is it? They are really well behave and well-spoken. Above all, intelligent. Better children one could not ask for. In that aspect I am very lucky. Just thinking about them fills my heart with pride.
While at work last night, I received a call from their mother. It seems she wants more money. Imagine that. When I said no, she got angry. It seems she is not happy with the amount that the court awarded her. I will not say how much I pay her. I will give a math problem. If she were to work a regular job, her pay would be $ 12.55 per hour (remember, she does not have to pay any taxes on that money). Pretty good pay for only sending the girls to school and waiting for them to come home again. I understand that taking care of children is a full time job. I am willing to do it for nothing!
Well, after that dispute, the children do not answer phones.
So, I sent them a text message.
Hey girls what is going on? I have been calling and texting for hours and no response. If you are not using the phones I will have them turned off.
Yep, I got a call in 5 minutes. I had to explain that I got the phones so that I may communicate with them. If I cannot talk to them, then the phones are not needed. If we are angry, then what? That is why we got the phones to work things out. You are my girls and I want/need to keep in constant communication with you two. At least one call per day. Does not matter if it is a 2 minute call. I just want that 2 minutes.
After that, the talking was carefree and upbeat with the both of them. In all it turned out real nice. It was frustrating for awhile.
So, my question? What is their mother doing/telling them and how to I deal with it? I really do not know. She has them a thousand miles away from me, and can influence them. How long will it take for their eyes to open up? How long will it take to understand what their mother has done? I have spoken to other divorced men. They say it could be years, just stay strong. Okay, what about their youth that I am missing.
It does my heart good that they are adjusting to their school and making friends. On the other side of the coin. My own selfishness, wishes they would hate it. I have to put that aside. Their adjustment is far more important than mine. I never really doubted that though, they are quite lovely ladies. Bragging about my girls is not a bad thing is it? They are really well behave and well-spoken. Above all, intelligent. Better children one could not ask for. In that aspect I am very lucky. Just thinking about them fills my heart with pride.
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